Woe is Me...

It seems there comes a time each month where I sink into a horrible "sadness". For me, I think this typically occurs at some point during my two week wait. I know I bring it on myself because I start to try and convince myself that our efforts didn't pay off. I figure it would be better to have a wonderful surprise, as opposed to a heartbreaking disappointment.

This sadness seemed to really start to sink in last night for some reason. Kevin and I missed our "dance night" on Wednesday, and for some reason I have some how convinced myself that that was the night and now we are screwed. I also still have a strange feeling that I am not actually ovulating to begin with, so if this month doesn't end in a BFP, I will be using OPK's next month just to double check.

I must say that I have got a lot better about stalking baby websites (babycenter.com especially), but I still feel like I am constantly surrounded by pregnant women or pictures of ultrasounds/beautiful babies. I mentioned before that a co-worker of mine is about 7 months pregnant, and the other day when I went in for a physical for work, my nurse was 35 weeks pregnant. The entire time she was checking my temp, blood pressure, etc. her amazing baby belly was just pressed against my knee. I wanted to just grab it and and hug it and somehow magically remove it from her body, and place it on mine.

I guess what I am getting at is that I am starting to feel desperate. I am desperate to become pregnant and stay pregnant, and have a beautiful baby of my own. I'm desperate to be able to look at my husband in a new and more loving and magical way once we see the tiny person we created together for the first time. I am desperate to make my parents grandparents, and for my grandparents to see at least one of my children before they pass.

Regardless, I am trying to keep a tiny bit of hope that maybe, just maybe this will be our month. I will start testing in a week, so please keep sending lots of thoughts and prayers our way!