Tired

I am definitely at that breaking point... I'm tired of this. I'm tired of living day to day, week to week, month to month just waiting for some sort of sign of pregnancy, just to take a test and see that ugly negative staring at me over and over again.

I guess more than anything I am feeling very lost at this point. It took us 6 months to get pregnant our first time, and I actually had very regular periods then. Now, 7 months after my D&C I am still not pregnant and now can't seem to figure out what is going on with my body. This is just such a horrible, sickening feeling. It is so hard to want something so badly but end up empty handed every month.

Sorry for the Debbie Downer post... today has just been one of those days.

But on the other hand I received the most beautiful and heart felt gift yesterday. The woman who sent this has become a very close friend of mine (although we have only met once!). She is someone that offered support before we ever even knew each other, and has helped me in my journey so much. She sent me a necklace that is so special, words can't even explain. I will need to post a picture of it, but it is basically a circle that says "Forever in my Heart" and has a heart, and the April birthstone attached. I sent her a quick Thank You this morning and her response gave the necklace even more sentimental value. Here is why she sent me such a beautiful gift...

"You probably figured it out, but the crystal in the middle represents your baby's birthstone (diamond). I just wanted you to have something special to remember your first baby from. I know some people don't understand that miscarriage is really a loss of a child and they expect you just to forget about it... but that baby is special and I won't forget it."

It still brings tears to my eyes. I truly feel blessed to have her in my life, and can't tell her Thank You enough.