Getting Worried...

I feel like taking that little ovulation ticker up there ^ and throwing it! (I guess I could just delete it, but I haven't had the nerve to). I am now on cycle day 19, and I still have not seen a positive ovulation test. There for a while I thought that maybe I just missed the LH surge, or the tests that I got were crap because they are these cheap ones from Wal-Mart. The fact that I have had no change in my CM (cervical mucus - Sorry for the TMI!) is really freaking me out. Usually I can predict the exact day I am ovulating without a test based on this.

I am really hoping that because of all of the stress, traveling, and changes that we have been going through, by body is just trying to get back to normal. I have debating on if I want to go to the doctor this coming week or not. A part of me wants to go and just see if they can tell me what is going on to ease my mind (or make it worse), and a part of me wants to wait and see if this next month will be better. It just drives me crazy to feel like we have "wasted" these past two months, and I don't want to risk "wasting" another.

I feel like I am stressing way to much over all of this at times, but it is just so tough when all I want is to be pregnant and have a baby. I find myself walking into our guest room and just staring and envisioning how I would set it up as a nursery. The people who lived in this house before us apparently had children because all of the cabinets in the kitchen already have childproof locks, and half of the outlets have covers (less work for me!). At times I just want to "pretend" that I'm pregnant so I can go buy baby stuff... how pathetic is that!

And I'm not really excited about waiting for my period to come this month. Even though I am almost positive I did not ovulate, I know as the time gets closer I will somehow convince myself that there is a tiny possibility of me being pregnant and so I will want to take pregnancy tests.

I'm just so ready for all of this "trying" to be over with, and for my to have a nice healthy baby growing in my belly already!